When a breakup occurs, regardless of who initiated it, there is a huge hole in your life for a time. Even if the breakup is your idea, feelings of loss are normal. Suddenly there is a vacuum where this other person used to be. There will not be phone calls, lunches, movies, meeting after class, an automatic date to the party this weekend.... It will amaze you how much of your life revolved around this other person!
So how do you cope with this vacuum?! Unfortunately, there is not an easy answer. The same things do not work for everyone. You grieve a lot, and in between the grieving you work at filling in the vacuum. You go out with friends instead of your ex-partner. You try new activities, things you did not have time to do before when you were in a relationship. You stay busy. You plan ahead for difficult times (regular times you talked or saw each other, anniversaries, etc.). Don’t be surprised when grief blindsides you at odd, unexpected moments. Give yourself permission to feel the loss.
You have lost this one place in the world that gave you opportunities and reasons to do things. Hopefully you have other places in the world with other people that will help get you through this loss. If your romantic relationship was the only meaningful relationship you had in the world, then you are in for a really hard time, especially if your partner is the one who ended it. Surviving breakups well is a really good reason to have lots of other supportive relationships. If you do find yourself alone in the world or having difficulty coping, please know that there are counselors in the Counseling Center who are interested in helping you survive.
Having time alone between romantic relationships can be good times to clarify what went wrong this time and how you want it to go differently next time. To do this you have to believe that there will be a next time, which is a good place to be. It is also a good time to work on yourself so that you will be the best partner possible next time around.
Counseling and Wellness Services (Pensacola Office) | Building 960 | 11000 University Parkway | Pensacola, FL 32514 | (850) 474-2420 Monday - Friday 8:00 AM - 5:00 PM | Campus Map | Text Only